The pathetic level of my posts can not be over stated ... or more precisely understated ... they merely, simply, virtually don’t exist. What could be more useless than that? Yep ... well that’s me of late ... useless and lagging. BUT ... there is light at the end of the wondering tunnel ... or at least a flicker ... I have so much to say ... and so little skill to say it. Fortunately for ya’ll I’m listening to Sade and drinking an IPA that was decorated by Ralph Steadman. Yep ... figure that shit out Pilgrims.
So get on with it you are thinking ... and I share that notion ... so I will borrow from a recent email to my best buds ...
As most of you know the Men’s Restroom in the Owl Club contains a urinal and a traditional toilet. To my thinking this makes the thing a 2-howler and so I don’t lock the door when I use it to urinate. I have noticed that a lot of tender and sensitive girly boys always lock the door behind them though ... to apparently protect their sensitive nature ... or whatever ... anyway there I was at the urinal easing my peanut sized bladder when I hear the door open behind me ... it’s one of those timid fellas who scolds me that I forgot to lock the door ... when I exit I point out to him there are indeed two receptacles and hence no waiting and that it was indeed he who as responsible for misunderstanding the situation and not my lack of door locking. He had nothing to say to that.
Naturally after another pint of Drakes Aroma Coma my bladder calls again so I have to make another trip to the head ... of course it’s locked and I have to wait a couple of minutes ... and then who comes out? Yep ... girly boy ... who I just shake my head at as he quickly slithers away ... back to his Crabapple Cider I assume.
I go in and assume the age ole position at the urinal and soon hear the door lock behind me ... and then the scents of a female. I of course just keep on peeing and then she asks me why I didn’t lock the door ... I told her “Well it’s a 2-holer Ma’am and people need to pee”. To that she replies “Well that’s right so I guess you won’t mind if I do just that” and proceeded to ensconce herself on the facilities.
I suppose I should have been more of a gentleman and just stayed at the urinal until she was done but she apparently wanted to talk so I just finished up ... washed my hands and stood and talked to her until she finished. She informed me that she knew I was a famous local beer guy and that her girlfriend was scared to talk to me ... I told her to go get her and maybe we could have a pee together sometime.
We laughed and then I unlocked the door and we exited ... and there waiting was two guys with startled looks on their faces. She tells them “Hey ... it’s a two holes you can both go in” ... but of course only one of them went in and so she looks back at them and says “Pussies!!”
We went back to our respective bar stools at opposite ends of The Owl Club and a couple minutes later a pint gets delivered to me ... she bought me a round and we cheered each other from afar. And so the night went on ... the world is definitely a-changin.
