Sunday, April 13, 2008

Ya sure..I'm here..sorta

Obviously I have little to say lately. Just bikin along getting ready for the Epic Redwood Ride and pondering some drives down South to visit my Dad. He's pretty much the nitro man now and just hanging on to life for us all.
This whole death thing hangs kinda heavy on me and I don't really deal with it all that well. It just seems so final and done. I know CP and Ralph have a much different perspective of it all but the reality of it all is ....well...I just don't.
Ever since my Grandfather unexpectedly died in 1965 (he was younger than I am now) the whole death deal has been unfathomable, mysterious and epically painful for me.
So ya.. I guess I gotta get with the reality program and take it like a man and all that BS...but still it's just not coming easy. Face up to it I weakly remind myself.
After all these many years of hardly getting along we're finally kinda on the same page and dammed if he ain't about to cash it all in. But then I know that has also been a motivating factor to our samepageness.
The finality of it all just reeks. Wish I coulda...woulda...things to say....blah blah fuckin blah
Oh well...that's just humans for ya.....Finally once in a while they (me) might miraculously figure something out when it's virtually too late.
Like the Frank Zappa song 'Dumb all Over'
or Canned Heats 'Human Condition'
I guess life is just a song....or just a beast...or as I prefer to think of it as....it is what it is and it's all it ever shall be.
Man.....I hope there's a beer in my fridge strong enough to offset this BS.......
Although obviously at this point all these friggin beers I've already consummed haven't been enough to offset my usual writing, and life......deficiencies.

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